American lives were turned upside down when the coronavirus swept across the world and hit our shores with a devasting change that affected all aspects of our lives. In late March, exhaustion hit me, not from the virus, but from my caregiving life and an injured knee that I was stubborn enough to think I could heal with God’s grace. Bronchitis and asthma followed, canker sours filled my mouth, and it was difficult to eat. Urgent care put me on antibiotics that didn't work, and I had to return a second time. I was falling apart, assuring myself that the worst was over, but I would have to be literarily on my back before I would see the changes I needed to make. For the first time in my life, nothing seemed to work when it came to me, but I didn’t give up. When a second steroid shot in my knee failed, I went to therapy. Then while helping my husband on the porch, a heavyweight fell on my toe, and a week later, I found myself back at urgent care after running into the weed eater. Suddenly, everything was about me, the last person on my list that I ever worried about, until now.
Each day when I would talk to my sister, Linda, who lives in New York City, she would remind me to rest, meditate, and to think of myself first and to get well. One day, she sent me a book, and before I finished it, another would arrive. I had always read self-help books, and at times, I foolishly believed I fully understood the advice offered. This time around, I questioned every aspect of myself, and as understanding replaced my fears, I felt like a shattered vase that would never be its beautiful self again, in its original form. I would be pieced together with jagged edges, yet whole, with not the outer beauty to define me, but inner strength and understanding that was more beautiful and fuller of light than the original me.
After reading such brilliant books such as John Kehoe’s Mind Power Into The 21st Century, and Deepak Chopra’s The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, I became instantly irritated by Michael A. Singer’s book The Untethered Soul – the journey beyond yourself. It was the simplicity of his writing that made me impatient. It was his unpretentious manner, attaching a concept to everyday life, and how our past thoughts and emotions rob us from living in the moment, that finally awakened me. As I continued reading, I saw his brilliance. It was in the stories that he shared, along with profound and intuitive answers on how to change our habitual patterns, that made me go deeper into myself, determined to knock down the blocks that kept me from living a life of self-realization and happiness.
My knee surgery arrived on November 24th, and the kindness of neighbors and friends, who loved me more than I realized, were sending food and comfort, and warmhearted messages. As I lay on my back, rebuilding my strength, I felt a deeper understanding of myself and life and I wished I could redo the past with the peace and knowledge that was now guiding my everyday thoughts.
Life is a beautiful dance of creation that asks us to observe it, not live in the shame or guilt of our mistakes, but to appreciate the NOW, the living moments, the ones that count, the ones that determine our future.
